Human beings are social animals, said Aristotle. Others said that we come to the world and die alone. Some teenagers feel alone even at a party, surrounded by people. Others hate silence, cannot stay by themselves, and fill any type of ‘void’ with sound, noise, people, distractions, activities. An interesting kind of social animal, the human being.
Everybody needs to find his/her personal balance between ‘private’, ‘semi-private’ and ‘public’ time. I believe ‘private’ time, or me-time, is fundamental. It doesn’t necessarily need to be spent meditating or resting or thinking, it can be used in multiple ways, but it has to be chosen, enjoyed, respected as a sacred moment. We might feel guilty or shy to demand our alone time, from instance from our partners, family or flatmates. Unfortunately guilt, that drives so many of our actions and choices, is often an obstacle, maybe even the main obstacle to happiness.
Me, personally, I recharge when I spend time alone doing something I was looking forward to do, that can be watching a TV show or writing or doing sport, but I equally recharge when I spend time with close friends, or in a social situation where I feel comfortable in. I like to hug, to tell my friends and my husband that I love them, and why. Often. It took me a bit less than 30 years, the amazing people I made friends with and a welcoming, cosmopolitan and lively city like Brussels to get to this point. I am 36 and I feel I am the happiest I have been in my life. They say the happiest age is 40, so when you are 36 you are getting close. A friend of mine told me that she thinks that, until now, we were still learning (how to live). If it’s true, it’s time to put into practice what we learned and do our best to be happy.
This doesn’t mean I am always happy. I do have sad moments, issues to talk about with my psychologist. I get frustrated and feel stuck sometimes. I am still learning how to set and defend my limits and space. However, I know better than ever how to take care of myself, how to get out of a dark moment. Because I know myself very well, including where to find the energy back, the self-reassurance, the strength to fight back, the empathy.
Like everything else, how we deal with social relations and ourselves, depends on our upbringing. Someone hates physical contact? It’s because s/he didn’t receive affection during his/her childhood. It’s not 100% on our childhood though. We do ‘pay’ all our lives for parents we didn’t choose, but we can still do something about it. My sisters and I we had more or less the same upbringing (more or less because we didn’t receive exactly the same treatment from our parents), but we don’t deal with emotions and feelings in the same way. I am definitely the most (over)sensitive, but I believe I am also the most empathic. I think it’s because I experienced (and learned) love as a teenager outside the family. When I think about my teenage years now, I wish I spent more time with friends rather than boyfriends, but it was probably for the best, as that love I learned then taught me empathy that I can now use with friendships as well, as in all other types of situations.
I am not sure love without empathy can even exist. How can we love someone if we don’t “see” this person? If we don’t “feel” her/him, understand his/her feelings?
Blabbering of a millennial 